DOUG’S FRIDAY ROOTIN’ TOOTIN’ ROUNDUP – Reflecting on what America’s been talking about the last 7 days.

Matt Damon and Shawn Johnson “Die”on the never-ending false “celeb is dead rumor merry-go-round”– Matt Damon: “Yeah, pretty sure I’m not dead”.

Jon Gosselin Slams Ex-Wife Kate on Good Morning America – Stay classy, Mr. Gosselin.

True Blood Finale/Vampire Diaries Premiere – Hey, new TV series idea for the networks…how about something about vampires?

Remembering September 11 – Obama find Osama.

Glee TV Show Premieres - Watch out, jock bullies!  “Geeks” become TV writers.

Obama’s Speech to Students – “Kids, do your homework, listen to your teachers, and tell mommy and daddy it’s silly to want to make their own decisions about health care”.

Ellen Takes Paula’s Place on American Idol – Yeah, but can she pull off the whole “You’re a shining star full of eternal beauty that the world is privileged to experience” stuff with a straight face?

Derek Jeter Becomes Yankees All-Time Hits Leader – You care.  I know you do.

Shawne Merriman Allegedly Assaults Girlfriend Tila Tequila – That dude gets into a lot of trouble for having such a happy last name.

NFL Season begins – Guys whose bodies look nothing like the player’s whose jerseys they’re wearing rejoice.