In college I would skip out on social events because I believed that when I walked into a room full of peers, they looked at me in disgust.  “How can she be so fat!”  “I hope that ugly girl doesn’t sit with us.”

Their words I had conjured up stung deep. Pretty soon it was a struggle to even go to class.

My dear friends tried to counter my misguided perceptions. “You are beautiful and fun,” they would say. Nothing they said helped. On a walk one evening, a sincere friend shared an excerpt from a book she was reading. The jest of it was: “One type of depression is summed up in self-pity. The person has lost her ability to move beyond herself to truly see others.”  Gulp. Had my best friend really just suggested that I was drowning myself in self-pity?

Needless to say, we didn’t speak for a couple of days.

As her words sank in and sifted through my shell, I realized, the truth hurts. When was the last time I was really concerned about someone else? I was so wrapped up in all I hated about myself, all I saw around me were monster faces ready to tear me apart. Did I really think that everyone’s thoughts turned to ME when I walked into a room?

I would like to say that with a little fairy dust and a cross of the fingers I was a happy person again. Ya know, things didn’t change for me immediately. Sometimes, to this day, I struggle with walking into a group of people, afraid of their opinion, but it’s really my own condemnation I have to fight.

“Embrace others,” I tell myself. “Choose life over lies.”

**Note:  There are different types of depression. Some types need the help of a doctor. If you are having harmful thoughts, please speak with a trusted person. Often times people who are older have been through what you are feeling and can help. You can also call 1-888-NeedHim.

Goodbye guys!!

1. Go to dinner and an old movie at the $3 cinema.
2. Pick out outfits for each other at a thrift store and take snap shots of each other!
3. Have a pajama party where you play Dirty Santa, even if it’s not Christmas!  (Google Dirty Santa Game for directions and rules)
4. Go ice-skating decked out in 80's clothes.
5. Go camping.  Girls only, except maybe one dad for a bonfire.
6. Cook a fancy dinner together all dressed up.  Don’t forget the candles!
7. Paint t-shirts with your favorite saying.  *If you’re lacking in painting skills, craft stores sell iron on letters in all different shapes, colors & sizes.
8. Go to an amusement park.
9. Find a festival close to your area and go for the day.
10. Go dumpster diving for Krispy Creme Donuts.

So, your honey said "I love you," but does he really act like it?  I’m talking deep love, not “I love you because you’re hot”. Here are some telltale questions to help you know if he really understands love:

1. You go to buy some nachos at the concession stand and your guy friend from Math is working there. It takes you awhile because you chat about some homework. When you get back to your seat, your boyfriend is:

a. Relieved that you figured out your math problem so he won’t have to help you later.
b. Excited you’re back and fills you in on what you missed.
c. Quite annoyed that you were gone so long and is angry that it was because you were talking to another guy!
d. Relieved food has arrived and asks how your math friend is.


2. Your favorite pet, Franky, died. You’re distraught and no way feel like going out like planned. Your boyfriend:

a. Completely understands and helps you perform a funeral.
b. Is very perturbed!  How can you bail on your plans when you said you’d go?  Who cares how you feel?
c. Goes out without you and will see you tomorrow when you’re done crying. He can’t stand it when you cry.
d. Can’t understand why you love your pet more than him and is glad the little sucker died.


3. You and your honey are passing notes in class. The note most likely says:

a. Why were you talking to that guy in the gym?
b. Hey, Cutes. Good job on your paper!  You’re going far in life!
c. Ha ha!  Once again proven that I’m totally smarter than you!
d. Have fun with the girls tonight!  I’ll miss you.


4. Your mom has asked you to help her do major yard work this Saturday. When you tell your boyfriend, he:

a. Asks if he can help too.
b. Laughs at you because he never has to help with anything at his house.
c. Gets angry because in his words “once again he doesn’t get his way.”
d. Doesn’t believe you and thinks you’re lying to hang out with another guy.
e. Is cool. He’ll see you later.


5. You’re sick, but not sick enough to stay home from school. However you’re not looking your best today. When your boyfriends sees you, he:

a. Accuses you of kissing some other guy with a cold.
b. Says you should probably not sit with him at lunch. He doesn’t want to get sick and has a reputation to protect.
c. Gives you a hug and pulls out throat lozenges he picked up for you this morning.
d. Gives you a hug at first but gets angry. You don’t even know why.


6. So you messed up. You know you’ve hurt his feelings. You apologize, and he:

a. Accuses you of doing it on purpose and yells at you until you start crying.
b. Doesn’t speak to you for a few days.
c. Understands how you made a mistake and forgives you. No one’s perfect.
d. Says he forgives you, but you’ve lost his trust forever!


Here is the scoring chart. Add up the numbers from your answers.
1.  a. 1;  b. 3;  c. 0;  d. 3
2.  a. 3;  b. 0;  c. 1;  d. 0
3.  a. 0;  b. 3;  c. 0;  d. 2
4.  a. 3;  b. 1;  c. 0;  d. 0;  e. 2
5.  a. 3;  b. 0;  c. 1;  d. 0
6.  a. 0;  b. 1;  c. 3;  d. 1


Results
If you scored 18-17:
Your man is a love expert!  He just might have this love thing down. Very cool! Sounds like he is kind, patient and not selfish. My advice, work on your friendship and set physical boundaries.

If you scored 16—12:
Your man is a wanna be lover.  Only half the time he actually acts like he knows what love is. Obviously he isn’t mature in the relationship. The bad thing is he may never mature. My advice, don’t stay with him.

If you scored 11—0:
Girl, he may use the word love, but his is NOT living it. Your man is a love vaccum, always taking and never giving. Anger and jealousy are dangerous grounds for a relationship. My advice, get out of there!